Bachelor Party 5K: The Tortoises & The Hare

“I can’t believe I lost to that damn bunny.”

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What else could I do for my bachelor party than force a chunk of my close friends wake up early to race a 5K? 

After a rough week of poor nutrition and a mild case of plantar fasciitis, I had low expectations for my racing performance. Add that to the race occurring the morning after a long night out and let’s just say I wouldn’t be setting any PRs this week…

Race Goals
1) Finish 
2) Finish third amongst the group (behind Murat and Terence) 

As we gathered for the community race, Nick approached me and said “I’ll give you 10:1 odds that you can’t beat me wearing a bunny suit that I have in the car.”

I laughed it off. 

“Oh man, that would be a riot!”

“No, I actually have a bunny suit for you to wear if you’ll do it.”

I tried it on… it fit remarkable well. This had to happen. 

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After a warmup jog, I suited up and we all trotted off to the starting line. 

Wearing a bunny suit took off any pre-race anxiety that might have lingered after my diminished expectations. 

We started the race and I went out fast – keeping true to the tortoise and hare narrative. Murat and Terence planned to run fairly hard and got off to a quick start. I followed behind, trying desperately to keep my rabbit headgear on for the first quarter mile. 

The first mile was largely uphill and I went out too fast. About 6:40. I wasn’t feeling good. The rabbit suit was the least of my problems. I wasn’t in great shape from the previous evening. 

The second mile was a bit more neutral though I slowed to a 7:00 minute pace, making sure I had enough energy for the final mile. 

Feeling a bit better, I was able to increase the pace down to a 6:20 final split, finishing 25th overall (first non-human mammal) in a time of 20:34, averaging 6:39/mile. 

The best part came after the race, when I overhead several distraught competitors annoyed that they lost to some guy in a bunny costume. 

“I saw the bunny ahead. I tried to pick it up at the mile mark but couldn’t catch him. I can’t believe I lost to that damn bunny.”

That made my day. 

Murat and Terence both ran nice tempo races, hovering on either side of the 18min barrier. Geordie was the biggest surprise of the race, averaging an solid 7:05 pace after a rough evening and without any real training. Solid genes. 

Nick and Kapelman had been engaged in multi-month banter about who would win between the two of them (a fire which I gladly stoked) and Kapelman absolutely smoked Nick. I mean, just demolished him. In fact, Nick finished last among all contestants in our group. He might still be out there on the course trying to finish. 

Steven, Tyler, Dan, and Chris all cruised respectable times (especially considering the circumstances) while Savi sat on Kapelman’s shoulder and busted out a strong sprint finish. 

Overall, it was an absolute blast. 

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Next on deck will be the 30@30 All-Stars competing in a marathon relay. We expect to contend for the win. Stay tuned. 



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